Bribes or Rewards....

A few months back (November to be exact) there was an article in the Washington Post about people receiving bonuses at work for losing weight. The article went on about a lot of different incentives people are given for healthy behaviors--one doctors office even paid their patients money to lose money--and then went on to talk about this maybe being a bit unethical. Some people say that it is wrong to pay people to exercise or eat right (or whatever), and that it is simply "bribery."

In my opinion, we all need a little incentive to do the right thing sometimes--especially when we're trying to break a bad habit. If we're paying people to do unhealthy things that is a different story. We all get paid to work at our jobs (ok, so us stay at home moms don't get a physical paycheck we can spend)...and no one ever complains that it is unethical to pay people to get them to work. Who would go to work if we didn't get paid? Even if you totally love your job? Hey...I wouldn't even mind getting paid to exercise and eat right...that's always my intention, sometimes I just need a little kick in the pants, and a positive kick in the pants wouldn't be so bad.

So...to get to kids. I'm in the opinion that positive rewards, incentives, or even bribes if you want to call it that are a good thing--used in thoughtful, moderate ways that is. You may want to think about what the desired behavior is and offer an incentive that mathes up with that (for example, you wouldn't want to offer candy to get a kid to brush his teeth and put on pjs, but maybe an extra bedtime story would be appropriate).

Why we do what we do...

In my two previous posts I talked about behaviors having a "function" or a purpose.

• Communication
• To get something (like a toy, food, etc.)
• To avoid something (my toddler throws tantrums to avoid getting in her carseat; a second grader may act out in class because he wants to avoid doing math)
• Attention (good or bad--attention is attention)
• Sensory input (my toddler cries and gets held--I think she likes to cuddle!)

Of course, things become habit, but it always goes back to the reason the behavior was started in the first place.

Problem Behaviors--Part 2

The next part of the process of trying to solve problem behaviors is to create a behavior plan.

If we go with the premise that each behavior has some function, then the most effective way to change a behavior is to replace it with some other behavior. For some behaviors this means teaching the child a new skill, for others it may be just reinforcing a different behavior. The possibilities here are endless.

To figure out what we need to do, we complete the "ABC" part as described in Part 1, and use the information we have sorted out to drive what we will do to implement a "behavior plan."

For our sample question (see previous post), here are three steps I might try:

1) Planned ignoring--this is useful if the purpose of the behavior is to get attention (don't give the child any attention after they have stuck the object up their nose--the new consequence will now be that they have an uncomfortable object up their nose)--this by the way is one of the most effective things for tantrums--the key is not giving attention to the kid if they increase their behavior
2) Replace the child's behavior (sticking random objects up his nose) with another behavior. If we think the function is because he/she just thinks it is interesting or because they like the feeling of the things up his nose, we might try finding a toy where the child can stick small objects in holes, or something to replace that sensory need. If we think the function is to get attention, think about the "A" or antecedent--what is happening before hand??? Is there a way we can give him/her attention in some other way. Think about ways that would really work for your kid to get your attention and still be acceptable to you.
3) Reinforce the new behavior...some replacement behaviors simply are reinforcement enough, but if you are having the child do a new behavior to get your attention, you want to make sure you are giving them your attention when they do the new behavior.

If you have a hard time coming up with what you may think the function of your child's behavior is, and thus having a hard time coming up with replacement behaviors, it's okay. This isn't a natural process, but it can be very useful and very successful if you are consistent in your approach.

If you do try to implement something consistently and it doesn't work, go through the ABC's and come up with another strategy.

--Kelli and I have had more classes and workshops on this topic than we can count. If you want help with a specific problem behavior let us know and we'll try to walk you through different things you can try...we may just ask for a lot of information on the specific thing that you are struggling with!

Problem Behaviors--Part 1

My friend Wendi asked the following question:

My two year old likes to randomly put small things up his nose so far that you can't see them. How can I stop this behavior positively and effectively? Telling him not to stick things up his nose hasn't really worked very well.

I have a really long winded answer to this (at least something you can try) that should apply to almost all undesirable behaviors.

There is a method called a "functional behavior assessment" and "behavior plan" which I used all the time in the schools. While I have never done this on a two year old, I have implemented it with kids with Autism and Down Syndrome (as well as many other kids), so I think the same principles will apply to all kids.

The basis of it is that all behaviors have some function or purpose (to get attention, for sensory input, avoid something, etc.).

When you are trying to stop a behavior that is annoying, dangerous, disruptive, etc., you need to first look at the behavior in a broader picture. The ABC method:

A--Antecedent (or what is happening before the behavior occurs)
B--Behavior (exactly what is the child doing)
C--Consequences (what happens after the behavior occurs)

I will use our original question as an example:
(Keep in mind I don't know all the details so I will put various possibilities)

A-- 1) kid is bored, everyone else in the house is occupied, mom is doing a million things and hasn't been able to give kid individual attention; 2) find small objects, find them interesting, trying to figure out how things work

B--kid puts small object into his nose

C--1) mom gets mad (kid gets attention--even if it is negative this is something the kid gets out of it--negative attention is still attention); 2) it feels good (this would be a sensory thing); 3) kid gets satisfaction out of putting something in a hole

I will post tomorrow about the behavior plan...what to do once you've kind of narrowed down the "ABC's" of the behavior.