Book Review: Why Gender Matters

I just finished reading Why Gender Matters and wanted to do a little review of it here.

I really liked this book because the author, Dr. Sax, showed good research about the biological differences between boys and girls (not the socialogical differences). He showed research done on the brain, eyes, ears, etc.

A few things I learned:

• girls have better hearing then boys...the implications for this are huge--put a boy at the back of a classroom (where boys often sit) and they won't be able to hear, and thus will act distracted and become disruptive and then they might even get labled with ADHD...
  


• boys and girls have different eye shapes, which means they see things in a different way. boys are drawn to movement and girls are drawn to faces...one example that makes a lot of sense in my experience are boys will draw pictures using only one or two colors of action (a rocket ship taking off, etc.) and girls will use lots of colors--pinks, yellows, greens, etc. and draw pictures of people
  


• boys and girls use different parts of their brains for language and other activities (as simply put as I can).
  


• boys are typically more willing to take risks and girls more tentative about risk-taking...I couldn't believe how many studies he presented that showed the same thing

Some suggestions that Dr. Sax gave that I want to remember:

Overall:

1. affirm your child's gender...it is a natural part of who they are. if they aren't comfortable with their gender and aren't sure of this central part of who they are, they aren't going to find a comfort level anywhere


2. don't discourage them from choosing gender typical activities, nor should you discourage them from participating in gender atypical activities if they choose


3. be aware of your child and their friends and activities...one of the best ways to do this is to have family dinners


4. you need to discipline your child...some things should just not be negotiable...and girls and boys need different dicipline styles. boys need more authoritative (strict), and girls need more "warm and fuzzy" or induction ("how would you feel if...")


5. gender specific cross generational activities should be provided for both boys and girls (especially boys)...Dr. Sax talked a lot about this in teaching boys and girls how to be successful and respectful individuals. Boys especially need to have time with men to learn how to be men (this is missing in most schools now because teachers are largly female)


6. know your child--know his or her strengths and weaknesses, and try to sense what he/she can become--don't push them in a direction that worked for you or another child, but help them see who they are and the goodness in them


7. on risk taking: for girls, encourage them to take risks...build them up, help them accomplish hard things, but don't let them quit if they've been hurt or failed; for boys, "affirm the knight"--aggression is natural and good for boys. you can't force a boy not to be aggressive, so find a way to allow this in a positive way (football, karate, soccer, etc.). when you take away boys opportunities to be aggressive it sometimes builds up and causes bigger problems


8. if your daughter is being bullied (and for girls bullying takes the form of gossip, ruining a reputation, isolating her from friends, and is typically done by close friends), take her seriously, and do what you need to to remove her from the friends doing the bullying..this could be having her participate in some different extra-curricular activity or can be as extreme as transferring her schools


9. Talk to your child about sex: know that boys (especially teenagers) have sex for a kick, and girls typically have sex to be intimate and to feel loved...both end up being hurt. it destroys each of their abilities to form and maintain healthy relationships. "practicing" romantic relationships in high school is practicing at the wrong thing because typically physical looks and popularity drive what forms the relationships. beware that the trend now is for teenagers to just hang out in large groups and not ever "pair" off, and kids have oral sex not taking it seriously

Getting ideas from others

I LOVE not having to "re-invent" the wheel...so I love it when I find a good site for information that I really like. I've been frequenting a fun blog lately that has a lot of fun learning activities for preschoolers. It has games, coloring pages, hands on learning activities, holiday activities, and literacy connections. I highly recommend checking it out. Do you have any learning/teaching blogs that you check out?

Words and Language

Lately I've been amazed at how quickly my girls are gaining language skills. My one year old is understanding language in ways that surprize me everyday, and my three year old is communicating really complex thoughts. I'm really in awe about children's ability to learn, and especially their ability to learn language. Tonight I listened to a radiocast on words and langniguage. Words give us meaning and change the way we experience this world. One interesting fact about kids is that around the age of 6 certain language processing skills are developed. Hum...maybe this is why age 6 is the age that most kids are really developing literacy skills. In the March 11, 2011 Science magazine, there was an article about how children gain language and that they make generalizations correctly when exposed to limited data when statistical computer models say those generalizations shouldn't be made. The human mind is incredible. The article pointed out that we do this as adults as well, but that children are doing it constantly.

Let's PLAY!

I've found myself often wondering if I am doing the right things when I'm playing with my daughther. Am I giving her enough attention, not enough, creating enough structure, etc. etc....?

Do you ever wonder how to best play with your kids?

In this month's Communique (the National Association for School Psychologist's newspaper), there was a great article about Play. I wish I could just copy the whole thing and post it, but I will just put some of the key points of it.

It quotes from The Hurried Child, saying, "play is nature's way of dealing with stress for children as well as adults....As parents, we can help by investing in toys and playthings that give the greatest scope to the child's imagination." The article continues to talk about the importance of play, and in summary, it states, "through play, children explore the world around them, imagine alternatives, solve problems individually or with others, learn how to negotiate, learn how to express their feelings, and learn to be creative."

The article points out some Key Strategies to Enhance the Value of Play .

• Take time to observe your child's play
• Let your child play without you
• Give room to play (not only physical but noise space--let them move their bodies, laugh, be loud, messy, and quiet)--this will help them understand limits and boundaries
• Create opportunities for free play
• Go battery/electricity free for a day (the article talks about the modern toys that overly structure children's play, and leave little room for creativity, and notes that they should be limited)
• Play with your child
• Let your child Lead--this is not a time to instruct your child or for you to be in charge, however a time to reflect your child's feelings and reinforce their efforts.

For more information, check out this site, or this website.

Children's Books

Reading with your child is really important. A couple years ago I had the opportunity to hear Jim Trelease, author of The Read-Aloud Handbook speak on the importance of reading out loud to children. In his book he makes a point that reading out loud to children does some of the following:

• It shows that parents value reading
• It provides quality time with your child
• A pleasure connection is being made between the child and book and the child and parent
• Both the parent and child are learning something from the books they are sharing
• The adult is pouring sounds and syllables called words into the child's ear

He said the following: "It's not the toys in the house that make the difference in children's lives; it's the words in their heads. The least expensive thing we can give a child outside a hug turns out to be the most valuable: words."

I love reading books with my daughter and believe that it does give us a special connection.

So, here are some of our favorite children's books right now... (in no particular order)

Each Peach Pear Plum by Allan and Janet Ahlberg
Jamberry by Bruce Degan
B is for Bear by Roger Priddy
Quick as a Cricket by Don and Audrey Wood
Silly Sally by Audrey Wood
Heckedy Peg By Don and Audrey Wood
The HICCUPotmus by Aaron Zenz
How I Became a Pirate by Melinda Long and David Shannon
The Very Busy Spider by Eric Carle
The Very Hungry Catepillar by Eric Carle
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See? by Eric Carle

***What are your favorite books you read with your child??