Overindulgence

The other day I was working in a community garden and overheard a conversation between a few kids around 10 or 11 years old. They didn't realize that any adult was close enough to hear their conversation. What I heard shocked me. Maybe this kid was just really insightful or humble, but I feel that what he had to say should be shared.

They were talking about IPods and the conversation turned to Christmas....this is what he said--no edits on my part.

"I think I should only ask for one thing for Christmas this year. I was really overwhelmed by how much I asked for and got last year at Christmas."

Are we overindulging our kids by giving them whatever they ask for? Do our kids really need all the stuff we give them?

I often wonder about the amount of toys we think we need for our kids. My toddler is happiest when she is picking up rocks and sticks, playing in water, being pulled around in a diaper box, or just copying what mom and dad are doing.

Forced Choices

Here's another simple trick that works with my son & the preschool students I work with at school: when you want your child to do something but they are refusing to do it, give them a choice between 2 different options. You choose the options... so both of them will be acceptable to you. I use this a lot when my son is refusing to transition to a new activity, such as from bathtime (which he loves), to bedtime (which he, um, doesn't love quite so much). I say something like, "It's time to get out of the bathtub. You can get out by yourself or I can help you." And then follow through is the key, of course - so I actually do help him out of the bathtub if he chooses not to on his own. This is a simple example, but you can always get more creative in your offering of options. Independence and control are so important to toddlers and preschoolers - giving them a choice instead of commanding or forcing them to do something can be an easy way to avoid a control battle or tantrum and can improve your relationship with them.

Can Do

It's my turn to post!
Amy & I attended a great little parenting skills workshop together last year. I have found one of the simple skills we learned to be surprisingly helpful in parenting my 3 year old. It's called "Can Do" - you use it when you see your child doing something you don't want them to do (that never happens, right?) and it is meant to help you guide your child into a more acceptable behavior. It's a great alternative to the more negative "no," "stop," and "don't!" I find myself using too often with my toddler.

These are the steps involved with this skill:
1. Notice what you don't want your child to do.
2. Think of something your child can do instead.
3. Tell your child what he or she can do.
4. Help your child if necessary.

Pretty easy, right? But the trick is not to say"no" or "don't" at all when you use the skill - just calmly guide your child into the more appropriate behavior. The classic example is a child who is coloring on the wall - Tell them they can color on paper instead & get them some paper to help them get started. It gets more difficult in real life situations - but worth a try!

Limits

A kid's job is to push limits (as far as they can)...they need to find out where the limits are so they know how to act.

A parent's job is to set limits--and then keep them. Once the limits are set, a parent then needs to be consistent. If it's not okay to dump out mom's purse today, then it shouldn't be okay to dump out mom's purse tomorrow. Otherwise, if the kid gets in trouble, all the kid will know is that he/she got in trouble.

If you think about it, we are the same way--if we are expected to do something, we want to know the limits that we have to work in...how many times did you hate it in school when a teacher said "write a paper." With no other guidance this becomes a hard task...but when given further instructions, such as "within 2-3 pages," "due at such and such a date," and within certain topics.

*What limits have your kids pushed?
**What limits have you set that you find difficult to be consistent about?