Conflict Resolution

Does your child hurt other kids when they are angry or upset? (Mine used to - a lot!) I have worked with many physically aggressive kids and have come to realize that sometimes they simply need help learning & practicing good old fashioned conflict resolution skills. Here are some of the ones that are simple, but good for our kids to learn and practice using:

1. How to ignore it when someone is bugging you
2. Using words calmly but confidently (this one is good to practice in front of the mirror) to tell someone to stop doing something that upsets you.
3. Sharing, turn-taking (using a timer, perhaps), & trading.
4. Using chance to solve arguments (i.e., flipping a coin, playing jan ken po, throwing dice)
5. How to recognize that you are losing your temper and cool yourself down by taking deep breaths, relaxing, etc.
6. How to distract yourself or avoid conflict by choosing another activity.
7. Knowing when to get adult help if the conflict is serious or if you think someone is going to get hurt.

Once you have taught how these skills work, children learn them best when you or another adult is there to help them at the "point of performance" - that is, right when they are about to hurt another child because they are upset. Help your child take a deep breath to calm down, then suggest a non-aggressive option for them to use from their repertoire of conflict resolution skills. Or, as they get older, help them generate their own non-aggressive solutions to solving problems & then assist them in choosing and implementing a solution.